Hi.........
Everything is turning into something I dont want it to.
This blog is going to be hard to write..... i'm already in tears thinking about it.
I love you, You know that. I just said I didn't love you..... that was a complete lie. The only reason I said that was because you stopped talking to be and you acting like you didn't want to be friends with me anymore. You know what........All I want in my life is for something good to happen.
For me to go back to school. I dont wanna be homeschooled anymore. I wanna go to private school. I want to wear a uniform.
I want a boyfriend that cares about me. A boy that doesn't want me for sex. A boy that wants to be with me for me. To hang out. Go to the mall. Hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright even if it's not.
I want friends.
I want a family that doesn't fight. Doesn't lie to eachother.
I've lied a lot in my life. I've lied to all my friends. I told someone that I didn't smoke even though I did. All I wanted to do after that was smoke a cig.
I want to move to Florida.
I want to not be afraid to act and sing in front of people.....
I want everything to be okay.
I know I'm never going to get any of this stuff.
My life is fucked up. My family is fucked up. My friends aren't really my friends.
This is what goes through my mind.
I want to go back to when I was little... I want to live at my old house. i want to do homework all the time. I want to hang out with friends until 10 at night. I want to have true friends. I want my old boyfriend back. I want to talk to my old boyfriend until 3 in the morning. i want to smile again. I want to laugh until i cry.
I'm never going to get any of this stuff and you know why......
because I'm not perfect. I'm not going to have the perfect life. Everyone is still going to lie to me and tell me everything is alright.
That's just fine. I got used to getting hurt..... At least I dont cut........yet.
Night everyone. I hope your life is a lot better then mine will ever be.
- Veronica Woodworth
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